she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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