You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?