Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
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Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science