So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
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she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life