There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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