Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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