Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
