Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize