I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
