Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
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Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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