I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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