Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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