I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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