Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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