My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
