dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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