Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
