That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
