How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
