Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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