i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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