They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize