Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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