I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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