You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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