Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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