the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.