She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.