Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
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I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.