This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.