The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.