Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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