Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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