can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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