You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
