i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
