of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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