Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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