I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sext me about skeletons
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.