so that wasnt chicken after all
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.