he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
These tits shall not be calmed