I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
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He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
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You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend