I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha