just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
