you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
