I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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