I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
