I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
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I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How naked do you want me to be?
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