I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
