This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
