I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
