Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
