I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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