he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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