Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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