Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks