i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same