Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no