Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.