before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
