Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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