no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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