conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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